Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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