I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
