Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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