sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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