She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just pee around me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
