sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
