Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
there's paper in my vomit.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
As shirtless as possible
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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