I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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