well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
