he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
