Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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