the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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