Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
