Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
