I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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