She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i came on her dog
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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