I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
