tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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