I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
