Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
