there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
