Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
