Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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