You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
