i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
