And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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