I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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