I need help removing her.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
