i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
50% drunk capacity currently
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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