so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
