How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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