just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
