i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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