I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
