I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
