dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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