I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
