I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
