Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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