I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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