The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
