I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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