No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
