I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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