It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
