I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
