Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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