If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
