Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
