Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
