I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
