I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
