Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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