I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
