Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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