I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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