i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
