i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
