Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Randomize
