I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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