You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
