He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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