I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just had sex on a roof
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
