she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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