she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
