"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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