There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
