apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
