I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
wow bdsm is so cute
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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