careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
