why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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