I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
