I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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