Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
