She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
