Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
