its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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