I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Randomize
