really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
