i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
