I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
