I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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