You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
