Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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