Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Randomize
