So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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