Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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