Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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