I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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