I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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