Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize