My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
