if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
