Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
