I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
