It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
