yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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