He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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