onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
