I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
