just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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