I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
